Just Because You Don't Have A Dick Doesn't Mean You Get To Be An Asshole

Ok, I haven’t updated it one might call ‘a coons age’, if one happens to maybe be an old man from the prairies.. Not that I think old men from the prairies are likely to read my blog.. Getting sidetracked…

I apologize for the long hiatus. I’ve definitely started a bunch of times but just haven’t been able to focus. I’m currently technically homeless in a foreign country and I’ve been quite sick. This is the first time I’ve ever moved out of the city where I was born. It’s huge and daunting and I have no goddamn clue what I’m doing. There’s some comfort in the fact that I’m actually off my ass and doing SOMETHING, but I haven’t exactly had a lot of attention to spare for the use of blogging and wordpress seems to eat my blogs when I do try and post something.

That said, while I have a moment here… I got into a facebook debate about feminism a couple of nights ago and wanted to finally write about that and the way men are treated.

The word ‘feminism’ like the word, ‘gay’, and lots of other words, means different things to different people. I want to start out by saying I do think that there is still an important place for feminism in the world and I don’t think that all feminists are man-hating psychopaths. In my mind feminism ‘should’ mean some version of the following: Activist of either sex who believes in equality but focuses on women’s issues. And don’t get me wrong, I fully admit there are still biases and crap we go through unfairly based on our gender where need support. While I’m grateful for feminism and my ability to vote and the fact that if someone tells me to ‘get back in the kitchen’ I can tell them to ‘go fuck themselves’ and get support, men have just as many similar issues and much where women have support groups and shelters and countless webpages dedicated to the sexism they face, men are pretty much left out in the cold. Just like it’s important to have equality minded feminists fighting for women’s rights, there need to be more people looking out for the fellas in a similar regard. I didn’t even think there was a word for a male version of feminism. Apparently according to wiki it’s ‘masculism’ (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Masculism ) but I, and I’ll go out on limb and assume that probably you, have never heard of it. Not only are the not a lot of resources for men when it comes to abuse and double standards based on sexism, it’s widely regarded as shameful for a guy to ask for that kind of help or to even talk about it at all.

Here are just a few examples simple examples of sexism men deal with…

Just as much women are pressured to be thin and pretty, as I’ve mentioned in my first post, men are pressured in the media and all over society to be naturally physically flawless, and if not at physically flawless to at least be to be emotionally impenetrable except in artistic and attractive ways, hyper sexed robots with giant perfect cocks and a great head of hair. Sex offered by women is treated like this unbelievable favor. God forbid they’re ever not interested and turn a girl down, or cry. While it’s kept hush hush, men, once again I’ll say it, have feelings. They get self conscious about going bald, which they can do little about without lots of money, they get self conscious about not being muscular enough, not thin enough, too thin, too hairy, to hairless, too short too tall, and every other aspect of their bodies. Though it isn’t great that we’re pressured to be done up, at least if a woman is feeling self conscious and wants to hide a little bit she can spend time and money on hair and makeup and usually maintain the respect of the people around her. Men who wear makeup and spend the same amount of time grooming themselves often have to face constant accusations that they’re high maintenance, gay, or pussies. I had a boyfriend who wore extremely ill fitting clothes. Not wanting to pressure him to change, but wondering why, I asked him, “How do you decide what to wear?” He used to be heavier and was very self conscious about his weight. After getting very uncomfortable he told me that he chose his clothes at random and never looked in the mirror because if he looked in the mirror he’d have to face his face and his body and how much he hated the way he looked. It took a lot for him to admit that to me and it was heartbreaking to hear that he’d never had anyone to talk to about it before. A man having shame about his body often ends with double the shame about having shame about his body in the first place.

Men get utterly screwed in the arena of sexual, emotional and physical abuse by women. I have known men personally with abusive girlfriends who constantly have bruises and scratches and even open wounds but they put up with it because you ‘can’t hit a girl’ and when a girl assaults you, you’re supposed to be manly enough to not have it hurt. My one friend’s ex used to beat the hell out of him when he’d fall asleep (he borders on being narcoleptic) and being startled awake he pushed her away once. She then accused HIM of being abusive and went around telling everyone he was. The worst part was that even HE started believing her and feeling like an awful person.

Think about being at a club. If a man comes up to a woman and grabs her boob the bouncers are very likely to toss him and even beat the crap out of him. I’ve had guy friends of mine tell me that girls have come up and full on grabbed a handful of cock without permission but if they’d told the bouncers I can tell you right now the girl wouldn’t end up getting physically thrown out and punched. Girls will go to bars without any money and just walk up to dudes and demand drinks or even food in restaurants and men are expected to be flattered at the chance to spend money on them. Instead of taking it as a compliment and politely declining, girls will viciously and compassionlessly reject a guy who’s spent the night working up the courage to express he’s interested even in the most passive, respectful manner. In a rape scenario it’s the woman’s word over the man’s almost every time. In a custody battle the mother gets the kids almost every time. I know a guy who is stuck in a relationship because the mother of his kids has told him, “You better stay with me or I’m moving away with them, getting custody and not letting you see them again.” I’ve mentioned before the double standard on sexuality. If a girl kisses another girl she’s deemed fun and experimental. If your boyfriend kisses another boy he’s obviously gay and doesn’t love you. Even Disney, as much as there is sexism towards women with all of the helpless princesses being rescued by men, fucks with men. Most of the male love interests are rich, famous, handsome, in good shape, and royal, if not at the beginning of the movie by the end. The message implied to me is, ‘you can get a girl to love you, but you have make sure you get hot and rich or she won’t stick around.’

Obviously there are lots of girls who treat the men in their lives with caring and respect and are interested in equality and aren’t trying to turn the world into a girls rule, boys drool club house, but men who suffer at the hands of sexism need to be given a voice and I’m goddamn well going to talk my face off for them.

I’ll leave the feminism to the other ladies, I salute you and support you, but for all of the internet to see I declare myself proudly as a masculist. (Even though my spell check says it’s not a word.)

Guys, if a girl is treating you like crap, please keep in mind that just because some men oppress women, it doesn’t mean you have let them oppress you to try and make up for it.

Please reach out, go to counseling, or find an understanding friend. There isn’t as much online for men as for women but here are definitely support groups. Do some googling. I can tell you right now my ex who couldn’t handle picking out clothes actually takes pride in the way he dresses now and through a lot of actually opening up with me and with counseling about all of the stuff he was struggling with he’s gained a lot more confidence. Low and behold, he’s even a whole lot more fly with the ladies and is having an easier time in general. If you can own your feelings and stand your ground your relationships with women will be healthier and more balanced, and you’ll be happier in the long run.

Here are some articles on domestic violence towards men and how to recognize it:

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/domestic-violence-against-men/MY00557

http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/abusiverelationships/a/male_abuse.htm